"Children don't need to have their feelings agreed with; they need to have them acknowledged."
Adele Faber (1925–2024) was a parent educator and co-author, with Elaine Mazlish, of the bestselling How To Talk series. A student of the child psychologist Haim Ginott, she spent decades teaching communication workshops for parents and educators, and her books remain a standard reference in parenting education.
Our in-depth summaries and reviews of his work
Faber and Mazlish teach 5 communication skills — acknowledge feelings, describe problems, descriptive praise — that transform the parent-child relationship.
Read Summary →Before offering advice or a solution, name and accept the child's feeling. Being heard defuses distress far more effectively than being told the feeling is wrong.
Instead of criticizing character (“You're so careless”), describe the problem (“The milk spilled, we need a sponge”). Kids can hear a problem without hearing an attack on who they are.
Give information, offer choices, and express feelings in a word instead of issuing commands — children resist orders but respond to being brought into the problem-solving.
“Good job” teaches nothing. Describing exactly what a child did well builds real, durable self-esteem instead of empty flattery.
"I was a wonderful parent before I had children."— How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
"When we give children advice or instant solutions, we deprive them of the experience that comes from wrestling with their own problems."— How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
"Along with food, shelter, and clothing, we have another obligation to our children, and that is to affirm their ‘rightness.’ The whole world will tell them what's wrong with them — loud and often. Our job is to let our children know what's right about them."— How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
"The attitude behind your words is as important as the words themselves."— How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Faber and Mazlish teach 5 communication skills — acknowledge feelings, describe problems, descriptive praise — that transform the parent-child relationship.
